Men should pee sitting down

A silly, sincere argument for thoughtfulness, cleanliness, and squatting like a gentleman.

He just sprays it everywhere. Everywhere.

I walk by and see—because, of course, the door is wide open—my son Sebastian staring at the dead spider on the ceiling and disinterested in making it into the tank. “Sebastian!” I yell. “Watch where you’re peeing. You’re getting it all over the place!” He turns and looks at me with the biggest grin.

One day, as I wrap up my business, I look down and see numerous drops on the floor. My mess. I tell myself I’m different—I’m always courteous and put the seat down when I’m finished. I live in a house with three girls. I thought I was better.

I was wrong. As I look down, I see that I, too, have peed all over the floor—just like my eight-year-old son. I thought I was evolved. Enlightened, even. A modern man. But no—there I was, my own betrayal glistening on the tiles.

Men should pee sitting down.

Seriously. Just sit down on the toilet seat. Be kind. Be thoughtful. Be gentlemen.

And here are other reasons men should pee sitting down:

• Clean Floors. Everyone in your household won’t step in stray pee drops and spread them throughout the house. Gross.

• No More Dirty Seat Lifting. You no longer have to lift and put down that germy toilet seat 6–7 times a day.

• Efficiency and Health. As my friend V. shared, “Men who sit down to pee are able to empty their bladders faster and more effectively.”

• Exercise. If we pee 6–7 times per day, that’s 6–7 opportunities to do a squat! Your knees, hips, and back will thank you.

• Not inconsiderate jerks. No more peeing on the toilet seat or the floor. No more forgetting to put the seat down.

• Happier women in our homes.

Small acts of thoughtfulness make better homes, better marriages, and better men. Start with a seat.

Thank you to my writing peeps. I won’t list you by name so you don’t get blamed for this too. And thank you Chet, my ChatGPT amigo for help with the images and final edits.